Roots

Monk's Cafe Favorite, originally uploaded by Smellody.

I'm a bit sentimental this morning. Maybe it's because a friend who was to visit had to fly home stopped up with imodium and couldn't hang this weekend (no ill feelings, feel better!) Maybe it has to do with the fact that I haven't been home in over five months, and am feeling a little homesick. Maybe it's the feeling that no matter what I try to do here I just can't seem to fit in. I feel like an outsider more and more at work and lately can't seem to shake it. I know, what the hell does this have to do with beer, and your brewery Mellody? What's with the online journaling fool? Well, I'm not 100% sure but after drinking much coffee this morning and spending some quality time alone I've had a multitude of thoughts around what I'm trying to accomplish, in life, in work, in general. So, of course the brewery is a large facet of this conversation. I'm also on a never ending roller coaster as I dream this impossible dream, and we're definitely on the downward end of a massive fun filled drop.

Beer to me isn't a science, as much an art. What I've always enjoyed about art is its impact on each individual. Some analyze it, deconstruct it, the artist and the meaning. Others just look and move on, while some don't imbibe at all. For me, beer and my seemingly endless pursuit of getting into the beer business isn't so much about the analysis of beer, its the impact. See for me beer has always been about the experience. As my Top 50 lists showed, I seem to tie beer to events with family and friends and good times. There's good times with out beer or alcohol, but come on, they just aren't as memorable are they?! I remember the taste of each beer, but more importantly I remember the times and conversations with my friends. I also remember the beers I drank to escape, to run from bad times - a weakness for sure - but who is perfect. The good times though, they are the driver in my wanting the brewery - to create those times for my friends with my beer - like a chef cooking for friends. I also can't help but think how cool it would be to do that for strangers. Weird, yes but welcome to my world.

I've gone through what I feel are some fundamental decisions in my short 33 years. I've loved and been broken, been lied and cheated on by friends and a church I thought I loved. I've battled my own ambitions to make a difference in the world and got caught up in material work and the "benefits" of a hard working career. I've sacrificed friendships and possible relationships for selfish reasons. I've made good friends along the way, and as I fight to figure out what's next and why I'm not where I want to be I've never felt more alone in the battle. Time to crack a beer, eh?

So in all of this, I was thinking of my roots - where all this began, where it took hold of me and grew from a few nights at a bar I've mentioned many times here and with friends, Monk's Café. Amazing food, an eye opening beer selection when I first started going there but foremost is the times with friends there. Lately, I've been talking non-stop to friends about home. Home places, food, experiences and friends. Sometimes I feel bad comparing them to somewhere I spent 90% of my life. I'm sure they've thought it too - it really isn't fair.

Where's this drunken rambling going? Well, I've stated that this blog is an outlet as I trudge to figure out how to achieve my dream, so deal. I'm not giving up, no way. I'm just adjusting the plan a bit I think. Time to refocus and reengage as we begin the ticking up the hill of the roller coaster to the next fun filled ride.

Grab a cold one and enjoy the ride.

Comments

[Jennie Diaz]

First off, the photo for this entry is food porn, so forgive me if I slur my words - even while typing. Otherwise, I just wanted you to know that I hope you never feel left out of things outside of work. I have really enjoyed getting to know you and you have had a huge impact on my life in terms of introducing me to (good) beer - which has become a real passion for me.

As I'm sure you well know, you are eternally welcome in our circle of friends and the activities we undertake. And while I hope for the very best for you, you would be greatly missed here in Florida.

If you ever want to chit chat over a good beer - let me know, I would be happy to hear you wax philosophic. Plus I'm still interested in having a political conversation with you without outside influences in the room. I'm still feeling out who I want to vote and your opinion would be greatly valued.

[Dorrie Dillalogue]

MMMM....you are making me hungry with that picture (and a bit thirsty too). I could just walk over to Monk's for lunch this afternoon, but won't. Why - because it just isn't the same without your favoritest people in the world (you included).

I really empathize with what you are feeling...I think some of it's getting older and seeing that we are at different stations of life and don't know how quite to fit in when the world is full of people with kids and those types of things and such. We have dreams we want to achieve, trying to figure out how to do it in a tumultous econonmic environment while not feeling like a complete corporate drone. (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I so wish you came home this weekend, but fortunately in a few weeks we will go on quite a bender out in Columbus, OH to celebrate the randomest wedding of the year. We'll stock on up on some Dogfish 120s and bring some quality beers for the pre & post wedding celebrations. Long, crazy conversations are mandatory, maybe we'll bring Phase 10.

Can't wait to see you. It's one of the few reasons Jason and I are enduring 9 hours in the car together with gas at $4.00 a gallon for this watered down version of a wedding. (come on - kegs of Molson and Coors Light)

Ok, I am rambling and need to start my work day. Damn double shot latte from Starbucks....